Studies show this years genetically altered turkeys weigh on average 1.2lbs heavier. Increased incidence of low back episodes predicted.
Next week a large portion of the population will attempt to place 15-30lbs of fowl, breading and assorted vegetables outside of their base of support and into an oven. This action will place large compressive loads on the lumbar spine and it's supporting structures. With birds weighing 1.2lbs more on average (fake news), clinicians all over the country worry this may be the straw that finally breaks grandmas back.
Please take actions to avoid lifting with or rounding your low back placing undue strain on the tissues of your dorsum. Proper lifting mechanics should be maintained at all times! It is suggested that an emphasis be placed on movement of the hip and knee in concert with a rock solid abdominal brace.
In preparation for the act of placing a turkey in the oven, it his highly advised that persons prepare. The following are step by step instructions for proper hip hinging and should be practiced daily for best results.
1. Stand with feet shoulder width apart
2. Place hands on thighs.
3. Slide hands down thighs with a neutral spine.
4. Gluteus maximus should translate posteriorly.
Please note, family induced imbibing may impair motor control and result in poor lifting mechanics. Remember, you can't choose your family, but you can choose to spare the spine and lift with your hips!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Disclaimer: This article was designed to be fun and lighthearted. All biomechanical advice in this post is sound and should be used daily. However, the data about turkeys was created for your enjoyment and merely reflects the general increase in turkey size for the decades.
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